Learn how to manage stress outside of your control
Stress can be caused by many situations however bringing clarity to the situation and analysing the situation can provide a pathway to manage or eliminate the stress from your life.
Eckhart Tolle says that stress can be defined as the 'resistance to what is' and the desire for life to be different. Basically, we're not happy and we want the situation causing our stress to be different!
What is the situation? (What is it that is causing you to feel a certain way?).
Determine if change is even possible — but before doing that, we must first accept the present exactly as it stands.
As an example, Tolle says to imagine that you are stuck in the mud. You may be angry about being stuck, or, he says, you may complain and adopt a victim mentality. “You become a victim in your own mind. ‘Why is this happening to me, always to me?’” he says. “Just look at the situation without labelling it: ‘This is where I am right now.’”
Delve deeper into what the trigger is. When and how are you triggered. when does it happen? How does it affect you? What are the actions of this person/situation that triggers you?
Analyse your reactions. What is the most important aspect that is affecting you?What actions can you take and how would these actions fix the situation? Come up with a list of possible solutions. With those solutions what are the positives and what are the consequences of those solutions.
How does this align with your values? How would the person you want to be react to this situation? What do you value? What do you believe in? What is your purpose (you're why)? What is it that you want right now? Why are you currently not going after what you want right now? What is stopping you? Is the thing stopping you something that you want to change?
“Accept, Change, Leave, or Suffer.” When you find yourself in a present moment where there is a reality you are not ok with, there are four options you have:
- You can accept it. By accepting, you have chosen to surrender to the present moment. Resistance to what is, will only bring suffering.
- You can change it. If your present reality is absolutely unacceptable, make the change after you have accepted what happened, and apply those changes so it does not happen again. Total change might not be immediate, but often starting a change in the correct direction will lower stress quickly.
- You can leave it. If there is nothing you can do to change the situation, and you cannot accept it, then the only logical option is to leave, everything else is insanity.
- Or you can suffer. People chose to suffer only because we have convinced ourselves that it is normal.
So next time you find your present moment unacceptable remember:
“Accept, Change, Leave, or Suffer.” - Eckhart Tolle